Pineapple Pinnacles

How much would it cost to (telephone) call Singapore from Hell?

You’d be surprised!

Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Lee Kuan Yew die and go to hell.

But the devil has only one phone there.

Queen says, I miss my England, can I use your phone and hear how my people are doing down there.

She calls and talks about five minutes.

Then she asks: Well devil, how much do I owe you for the call?

The devil says: Five million pounds. She writes him a cheque and goes back to her chair .

Clinton wants to make a call too.

He says I wanna call the US.

He talks about ten minutes, then asks how much do I owe you devil?

The devil says Ten million dollars, He also writes a cheque and goes back to his seat.

Lee Kuan Yew is jealous.

He says I want to call Singapore.

He calls and talks for about an hour to his son Lee Hsien Loong who is busy trying to find Mas Selamat.

Then he asks the devil how much do I owe you?

The devil replies: only one dollar.

Lee Kuan Yew is shocked and asks ‘why so little?’.

The devils says: if you make a call from one hell to another, IT’S LOCAL CALL.

A Malaysian named Ah Meng dies and arrives in hell.

He finds that there is a different hell for each country and he can choose which hell he wants to go to.

He first goes to the Singapore hell.

There outside the door is Ah Lian, looking bored.

Ah Meng asks, “What do they do here?”

Ah Lian replies, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Singapore devil comes in and whips your butt for the rest of the day.”

“That’s terrible!” gasps Ah Meng. He is terrified!

“I’m going to check out the other hells!”, he yells.

He checks out the Thailand hell, the Indian hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.

He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the Singapore hell.

You get tortured to death basically!

Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and discovers a huge line of people waiting to get in.

The line circles around the lobby five times before receding off into the horizon.

Ah Meng pushes his way through to the head of the line.

Amazed he asks “What do they do here?”

He is told “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips your butt for the rest of the day.”

“But… but that’s the same as all the other hells! Why are there so many people waiting to get in?” Ah Meng protests pointing to the long queue.

“True, but because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Garmen servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen for teh-tarik…”

Ah Meng faints!!!

Once during the gulf war, the President of USA, and the Prime Ministers of UK and Singapore were travelling on a warship that was cruising near Saudi Arabia.

The 3 were talking about how brave their soldiers were; their discussion soon turned into an argument where each wanted to prove the bravery of their own soldiers.

The President of USA said, “let me show u what is guts”, where upon he called his Colonel and said “Jump into the sea and swim 3 rounds around this ship!”.

The Colonel replied “Anything for Uncle Sam, Sir”, jumped into the shark infested sea and swam 3 rounds around the ship, with the sharks chasing him like mad!

After the successful 3 rounds, the Colonel came up to the deck and said, “I did it for Uncle Sam Mr. President!”.

The proud US President replied “That’s what I call guts!”.

The Prime Minister of UK was pissed. He had to show.

He called his 3-star General and said “General, jump into the sea and swim 10 rounds around This ship!”.

The General replied “Anything for the Queen, Sir”, jumped into the shark infested sea and swam 10 rounds around the ship, with the sharks chasing him like gila!(lunatic).

After the successful 10 rounds the 3-star General came up to the deck and said, “Long Live the Queen!”.
The proud UK PM replied “That’s what I call guts!”

The Prime Minister of Singapore cannot tahan.

He had to show that his soldiers have it too.

He called one of his Private, Ah Beng and said “Soldier, jump into the sea and swim 50 rounds around this ship!”.

The Private replied “Oi, you siao(crazy) izzit? I juz bought my condo and I Am paying through my nose. Now, U want me to jump and die? If u want to Hao lian (show off), you jump into the sea yourself ! @#*&%F!……..

The Singapore PM grinned and said “Now,that’s what I call guts!”

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off, and enjoying a round of golf (at a place that has lost for the Penang government some RM200 million).

The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said ‘Shit, I missed.’

The good Sister told him to watch his language.

On his next swing, he missed again. ‘Shit, I missed.’

‘Father, I’m not going to play with you if you keep swearing,’ the nun said tartly.

The priest promised to do better and the round continued.

On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.

Sister is really mad now and says, ‘Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that.’

On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. ‘Shit, I missed.’

A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.

And from the sky comes a booming voice:

‘Shit, I missed!’

Jokes gleened from fellow blogger Sloone and his her commenters! =)) I thought I should share it with you peeps and especially those from Singapore LOL.