He sees you when you’re sleeping,
He knows when you’re awake.
He knows when you’ve been bad or good…blah blah blah.
Whatever we really just want the good stuff, right?
So is there really a heaven and (gasp!) a hell to choose from when we pass on?
Which would you want to take permanent residence in?
Apparently you can reserve your place now. Both Heaven and Hell (for the traitors amongst you).
For less than the cost of a couple of cocktails, you’ll get a certificate of reservation, registered in the Book of Light; a first-class ticket to paradise (why climb stairs when you can fly?); an official ID card (so you can get around safely without being stopped every once in a while by minders); and the heaven 101 mini informational guide (find out what’s really behind those gold intricately gates).
For $3 more, you’ll have VIP access to the “VIP access area” and a pass that gets you into the Land of Milk and Honey as well as Thug Mansion, where the elite angels hang (booze?).
Apparently less than 0.000001% of their travelers have had problems making it to Heaven through this program.
The guarantee it 100% or your money back! Lol. Wonderful customer service!
On the other hand…
Got enemies or scheming wife or evil stepmum or insane mother-in-laws?
Ensure they burn for all eternity: Sign them up for one-way free fall tickets to fiery damnation at www.reserveaspotinhell.com
Or for yourself! When you finally make it through the gates and you realize you want to grab a drink with some old friends, but you find out they don’t have any alcohol in Heaven.
OR you then begin a search to find some good porn movies, but those aren’t anywhere to be found either.
Hell, you can’t even find a TV set (everyone’s playing board games).
You then realize the things you enjoyed in your earthly life aren’t anywhere to be found.
If only you had reserved your spot in Hell…well you can!
Other than the usual get-to-know-the-place guide and free-fall pass, you also get Demonic issued certificate of reservation, officially registered in Satan’s Log™ and prepared on flame-proof material.
Awesome. The flame-proof part. Lol.
And for $3 more, you’ll get the all access VIP pass which will grant you access to “VIP exclusive areas” including the Frozen Wasteland, the Lake of Fire and the Bridge of Dead, where all the hotties get together and kick it.
Woosh!
Choose now!
*I just have one question. IF you buy the Heaven package, and someone buys you a Hell package, which will you end up in?
Ponder while you can.
Take a look at a review done by the The Washington Post – there’s one comment which made me chuckle: “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints… unless heaven’s got a ghetto.”
This really worries me. I go to all the trouble of praying to this Jewish carpenter who’s supposed to have willingly died on a cross to pay the penalty for my sins, and now I find that somebody else besides God–somebody who puts his shirt on one leg at a time–can still put me in Hell.
Is nothing guaranteed anymore?
Well hun, don’t worry too much. Although nothing is pretty guaranteed nowadays, I still believe that you are what you believe in. So continue doing what you do, don’t make this sites sway your beliefs! =)) Take everything with a pinch of salt and things will be fine.